It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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