so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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