So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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