I love having hate sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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