What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
