I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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