I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
