I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
