I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
