Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
