make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
