Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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