im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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