How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
