you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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