I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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