great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
did i just pee glitter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
