You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
