i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
