omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
