you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
