um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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