here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
