did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
