we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
