Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
