Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
