he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
