All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
