ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
