no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
