He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
