Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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