I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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