update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
