just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
