My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
