the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
