I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
