My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
