dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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