I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
