I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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