4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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