Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
