I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
