Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They took my balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
