I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
