you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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