We're like a lot better than the average bears
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
