I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
