wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
