He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
