Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
