I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
