So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
